If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning, and you could only save one
 of them, would you have lunch or go to a movie?
If you found $1,000,000 in a wallet on the sidewalk, would you spend your
 summers in Greece of Puerto Vallarta?
Would you rather think you were smart but really be dumb or really be smart and
 think you were dumb?
What do you value most in a relationship: having someone to put a finger on the
 knot when wrapping a package or being able to order the "giant confusion"
 pizza?
Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind
 experience?
Have you ever gone to first base? Second base? Third base? Home plate? Pop
 flyed out? Walked? Bunted to the pitcher? Been sent to the showers? Called on
 account of rain?
If you could redraw the boundaries of the state you live in, what shape would
 it be?
If you knew that by pondering ridiculously artificial pseudophilosophical
 questions you could avoid dealing with real-world decisions, would you do it?
If you were an angel or saint and had a halo of light around your head, would
 it attract bugs at night?
If you could choose between the body of a 20-year-old and the body of a
 50-year-old, where would you keep it?
You are invited to a lavish party that is filled with glamorous, exciting,
 famous people. Why do you suppose they invited you?
Would you accept reincarnation if you knew that you would come back as Phil
 Rizzuto of the Money Store?
You are driving on a steep mountain road when a dog suddenly darts in front of
 your car. There's no time to brake, and if you swerve to miss it, you will
 plunge off a steep cliff. What would you use to clean the blood off your
 chrome?
If you knew that you were going to die in one week, would you be able to max
 out yur credit cards in that time?
Would you rather be completely penniless and look like Paul McCartney did in
 1964 or be a millionaire and look like Paul McCartney does now?
If you had to eat one crayon out of a box of 64, which color would it be?
Which of these is the most important to you in your life: spiritual
 enlightenment, good grooming, sex, pizza, electrical appliances, spray starch?
Would you rather be stupid or ugly?
Suppose that you answer the telephone and it's the President of the United
 States. He tells you that there is an intergalactic plague threatening both
 humans and a vastly superior race of gentle, wise beings. A vaccine exists,
 but there's only enough of the medicine to save one race. You have been
 selected at random to decide which one. So that your decision won't be
 prejudiced, your life will be spared, along with a few hundred fellow humans
 you select. Would you have your hearing checked?
Would you rather drink a Drano margarita or share a sleeping bag with a
 200-pound tarantula?
If you were certain that by having your lips removed you could end the clubbing
 of baby harp seals, would you consider getting professional help?
What would constitute a "perfect" bowel movement for you?
If you were offered $1,000,000 to move to a location so distant that you would
 probably never see your in-laws again, would you write at Christmas?
Would you rather slide down a razor blade into a barrel of iodine or drink a
 bucket of monkey snot?
Would you add a year to your life if it meant taking a year away from the life
 of some other person? Ok, what if the other person was Geraldo Rivera?
Do you always read the instructions before making a call from a pay phone?
When making important decisions, on which of the following do you usually rely:
 your horoscope, the I Ching, "voices" in your head, crystal gazing, or
 paperback self-help books?
Would you rather fall into a pit of tumescent baboons or spend two weeks
 stranded in Bozeman, Montana?
How annoyed would you be if some total stranger insisted on asking you a series
 of ridiculous, personal questions? Would it be just as bad if it was a friend
 at a party? A relative?
Assume you have a thousand dollars. Do you keep it, or go for what's behind
 curtain number three?
You suddenly become telepathic, and can see through the eyes of others and
 enter into their most private thoughts and desires. What is the best way of
 making money out of this?
What is your favorite internal organ?
If you suddenly found out that you have been inadvertently underpaying your
 taxes every year for your whole life, would you notify the Internal Revenue
 Service and demand that you be allowed to shoulder your fair share of the
 nations's debt, knowing that a clean conscience would be your only reward? Do
 you expect me to believe that?
What has been the biggest disappointment in your life, other than listen to me
 ask stupid questions?
You and an attractive member of the opposite sex are trapped in an elevator.
 You are getting to know each other and the time is passing pleasantly when you
 become aware that you have to go to the bathroom really bad. What kind of
 arrangements do you make? Be specific.
If you could pick the exact day of your death, would it be a weekday of a
 holiday?
You are on a Greyhound bus travelling across rural Texas at the height of
 summer. An attractive stranger sits down next to you and you fall into
 pleasant, witty conversation. Unexpectedly, the person offers you $10,000 to
 go back to the restroom and have sex. Would you accept a third-party check?
 How about out of state?
When, if ever, did you last change your socks?
If you had to have one of your ears surgically removed in order to save the
 world from certain nuclear holocaust, which ear would you choose?
Where does lint come from, and would you want to go there on a vacation?
If you could prevent either the entire continent of Asia from sinking into the
 sea, a mild outbreak of food poisoning at the Kiwanis Pancake Breakfast in
 your town, or you getting a paper cut on your tongue, which would you choose?
Did people pass around lists of fatuous questions like this when you were in
 6th grade?
Have you ever been in a flying saucer? Have you ever been attacked by an
 aquatic rabbit? Have you ever committed adultery in your heart?
Would yu rather be roasted alive over mesquite charcoal or be force-fed tofu
 until you burst?
Would you rather have a red hot poker up your nose or a charley horse on the
 bottom of your foot forever?
Do you ever lie? And why should I believe you?
Is it worse when you try to go up a step that's not there and hit thin air or
 when you try to go down a step that's not there and hit the floor?
Have you ever French kissed your dog?
Dining at a friend's house, you find a dead rat in your Jello. Which fork
 should you use?
If you discovered that you had been mixed up at the hospital as a baby, would
 you turn yourself in?
Would you be willing to move to a distant country and never return home if you
 knew that people there would consider your accent "cute"?
If God appeared to you in a dream and told you to take accordion lessons, would
 you do it?
If you were offered $1,000,000 on the condition that you leave your spouse (or
 mate) never to meet again, who would get the record collection?
Would you become a famous and wealthy doctor if your specialty had to be
 proctology?
After a medical examination, your doctor informs you that you have only six
 months to live. But you can't pay your bill, so he gives you another six
 months. Haven't you heard this joke before?
What breakfast cereal has had the greatest influence on your life?
Assume you are a writer. Would you write a fatuous and trashy "non-book" in
 return for $10,000 in royalties? Assume you are a publisher, and you know that
 this worthless nonsense will be successful. Would you publish it?
If you had to have every disease in the world successively, in what order would
 you have them?
Would you be willing to restore a puppy to life by having a boil on the bottom
 of your foot? What about a rat? Who are you to judge the relative values of
 the earth's creatures? It's because one is furry and one is hairy, isn't it?
If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody there to hear it, who cares?
When having dinner at someone's house, do you ever refrain from jumping on the
 table and exposing yourself merely to avoid being thrown out?
Are you easily pressured into things by other people? Come on, answer up - and
 make it snappy!
Have you ever been taking a shower when - for no particular reason - you think
 of an old friend you haven't thought of in years, and the doorbell rings, and
 when you get out of the shower to answer it, it's the Jehovah's Witnesses?
If you could change the order of the alphabet, what order would you put them in?
Would it disturb you if, after death, your body were used as a set decoration
 on Pee-Wee's Playhouse?
If you could live anywhere in the world, would you?
If you could take only one TV set with you to a desert island, what brand would
 it be?
How old were you when you had your first hangnail?
If you could save an innocent man from the gas chamber by falsely convicting a
 really bad person of a crime he didn't commit, would you do it? Well, who do
 you think you are, anyway? God?
Would you be willing to go to Hell if you got the Gatorade concession?
If you were offered a small book that, for only a few dollars, promised
 effortless enlightenment, spiritual growth, and self-improvement, would you
 fall for it?
Would you eliminate all evil in the world if you knew that things would be
 pretty dull afterward? How about just some of it?
Would you be willing to personally cut off Bambi's legs with a chainsaw if it
 meant that there would never be another used car lot in the world?
If you were to die right now, what would happen to your laundry at the cleaners?
Would you eat worms if somebody gave you a quarter? How about a dollar?
 Wouldja? Huh? Huh? Wouldja? Double dare ya! Double dare ya!
How many angels can breakdance on the head of a pin?
You and a close friend are trapped in a mine cave-in. There is enough air in
 the mine shaft to keep one person alive for ten hours or two people alive for
 five hours - provided neither of them plays the harmonica. Also in the mine
 are a .45 revolver, a harmonica, and sheet music to "Gentle on My Mind." You
 can hear the rescue team coming closer. They yell through a small opening that
 they will be able to reach you in seven hours, or five hours if someone keeps
 their spirits up by playing "Gentle on My Mind" on the harmonica. Would you
 shoot (a) your friend, (b) the harmonica, (c) yourself, or (d) Glenn Campbell?
Have you ever been a member of an organization that advocated the overthrow of
 the United States government by force or violence?
Would you take an all-expense-paid trip around the world if it were non-stop?
Do you ever talk to yourself? If so, do you ever answer?
You go to the restroom in the middle of a really important date with the most
 fabulous person you've ever met. There you notice a big zit right on the end
 of your nose. Do you pop it right then or wait till you get home?
Have you ever wished you were a member of the opposite sex? And how do you know
 you're not?
You're in a lifeboat with a rabbi, a minister, and a priest. There are only
 three parachutes, and the air is giving out. In your pocket, you discover a
 half-eaten candy bar, a map of Columbus, Ohio, and an Uzi machine gun. What
 was the conductor's name?
If you could be an electrical appliance, would you rather be AC or DC?
You and you best friend are exploring a remote jungle. One day you are captured
 by an unknown tribe of natives, who take you to their princess, a beautiful
 blonde. You fall madly in love with her. Meanwhile your friend builds a
 dirigible from vines and bamboo. You escape and, after many adventures
 involving prehistoric beasts and giant gorillas, manage to reach civilization.
 Should the jungle princess get a percentage of the screen rights? What about
 points? Assuming you have casting approval, who do you see as the princess?
Would you dance naked in Macy's front window to save the whales? What about the
 snail darter? Is it because whales are bigger?
If you could learn the secret of the universe, but then immediately have all
 memory of it erased from your mind, it would be pretty pointless, wouldn't it?
Would you rather be staked out nude on an anthill or be forced to watch a
 Richard Chamberlain film festival?
A person you know to be greedy and rapacious in his personal dealings mistakeny
 gives you a $1000 bill thinking that he gave you a ten. Do you give him change
 for a ten and donate the balance to charity? Sure, you do.
Would you be willing to have your fingernails pulled out if you knew that it
 meant that John Cougar Mellencamp would never make another record?
"Would you rather engage in earnest psychobabble passing for "learning about
 yourself" or watch reruns of Gilligan's Island?
How much would you charge to haunt a house?
If you had to choose between two bottles, one that contained a pill that 50% of
 the time increased your inytelligence but made your nose fall off, and 50% of
 the time cured warts but made your fingernails turn black, and the other 10%
 chance of turning you blind and deaf but the rest of the time brought world
 peace, or having your best friend thrown into a pit of . . . wait, I've lost
 track of the question.
Would you rather be extremely happy between the hours of 7am and 7pm and really
 miserable from 7m to 7am, or would you rather be miserable from 7am to 7pm and
 happy from 7pm to 7am?
Assume you are attending a black tie dinner at Henry Kissinger's. Could you
 refrain from leaping on the table and mooning the guests, if it meant stopping
 one of the doctor's monologues on the proper use of power in the twentieth
 century?
Is the sky really blue, or does it just look like it?
You buy a lottery ticket to give to a friend for his birthday. You forget all
 about it until after the drawing, whereupon it turns out to be worth
 $42,000,000. Do you give your friend something of equivalent worth to make up
 for it - say, a framed portrait of yourself?
If you could choose, would you rather be yourself or someone else just like you?
You buy a new house. While doing some remodeling you discover a buried pirate
 treasure under the floor. Do you break all speed records making sure the owner
 hears about what he or she missed? Do you gloat in a fake commiserating sort
 of way?
Do you have a favorite toe?
If you could save a million starving children by sacrificing one of the major
 TV networks, would you choose ABC, CBS, or NBC?
Had enough yet?
If you could choose from anyone in the world, who would you want as your tax
 preparer? Endodontist? Roto-Rooter man?
Where were you on the night of November 15, 1977?
If a new drug were discovered that prevented all diseases but made everyone
 that took it look like Wayne Newton, would you buy stock in Vaseline?
What is the capital of Mars?
If you could be painlessly turned into a cheerful, not-too-bright vegetable,
 would it change your lifestyle? Would you notice?
Which could you best tolerate: living on nothing but "Beer Nuts" for the rest
 of your life or having a picture of Robin Leach tattooed on your forehead?
You are having dinner with a date at a fancy restaurant. Suddenly a man runs in
 and shouts that the dead are rising from their graves and stalking the land,
 devouring the living. Everyone gets up to flee. Do you leave a tip?
Would you rather be extremely happy but not know it or be miserable but not
 care?
If you could pass your time with foolish datdreaming instead of doing a decent
 job of what you're supposed to be doing, would you endlessly mull over
 simple-minded questions like these?
Do you ever make faces at blind people?
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
If you could magically be anything in the world, would you be a pickle or a
 cucumber?
Is this DELAWARE?!
Who is this APHiD guy and why does he keep creating such silly features?
Who wrote the Book of Love?
Why do fools fall in love?
What is the sound of three hands clapping?
Why were there two Darren Stevens' on Bewitched? Didn't they think we'd notice?
Why don't they just spell it `orderbs' and get it over with?
Pardon me, but do you have any Gray Poopon?
Do you love me?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
What's a beautiful object like you doing in a container/room like this?
Johnny has fifteen new pence.  Clara has 5 new pence.  If Clara goes to the
 shops, spends two-thirds of her money on mint chews which cost 1p each, and
 then gives half of the chews to Peter, and the other half to Johnny, what's
 she after? Eh?
If bananas were straight, would their market share increase among  males?
The couple in the flat next to yours are making love very loudly.  Do you use B
 or C-type noise reduction?
What would you charge to walk into an open manhole?
If you had your choice, would you rather run off and join the circus, or stay
 at home and get a job mopping floors at McDonalds?  Would free burgers appeal
 more to you than scantily clad midgets riding motorcycles?   If so, why?
Did you know that 75% of all people make up 3/4 of the population?
If nothing sticks to teflon, then how do they get it to stick to the pan?
If you were driving at the speed of light, and you turned on your headlights,
 what would happen?
You know these rocks that open up so that you can put your key to your house in
 em and theyre supposed to be undetectable to theives? i dont see the point, i
 mean they can see the lump under the doormat...
What exactly is Grimace?
Is it warmer in the country than it is in the summer?